I think I have figured out what happened. It took me a little thought to gather everything, but I think I understand now. I am referring to my previous entry. I didn’t mention this in my last entry, but about two weeks or so before the “fam stuff” happened, Betty had told me she was going to Biloxi, MS to see a friend who was going off to something having to do with the military. I just said okay and really didn’t give it much thought. She was only going to be gone for that weekend, so I just told her I would miss her and that we’d talk the Monday when she got back. Then she said that wasn’t going to happen either because she was going to have her tonsils taken out when she got back and then her hip worked on. And I said oh… Anyway, she did end up calling me that weekend at night. She told me that she was on her way up to her hotel room and that she loved me, and I said it back and wished her a good night. I talked to her the Wednesday after that, and he voice was a little messy. She said her tonsils being taken out hurt her. I asked her how Biloxi was, and she said that she actually didn’t go to Mississippi. And then I said, “What? Wait, you called me from a hotel room. Where were you?” And she said, “That’s a surprise.” And I said, “Oh… that’s kinda scary.” And she said in a weird voice that I should be scared. I didn’t know what to make of it. Betty does little weird things like that, and I never really know what to make of them. Later that same day, I told her that it weirded me out. I asked her if the surprise was a good surprise, and she said, “Yes, it’s good… Well, I guess it depends on how you take it.” I asked her when I would get my surprise and she said very soon. After that, I had a lot of difficulty talking to her. That’s when she said she was having “fam stuff”.
So, I just thought about that incident. I haven’t thought about it in a while. I think I have figured everything out. I mean, I don’t know this for sure, but I usually end up being right or near right about these sort of things. I realized that when Betty was ‘not in Mississippi’, that was around the same time as Betty’s one year anniversary. According to her husbands yahoo profile (as seen in the previous entry), he seemed upset because he was going to be out of town for it. So, it is simple to conclude, Betty went to go see him. That’s why she called from an unknown hotel room. I don’t think Betty lied. I just don’t think she did. Number one, I don’t think Betty would lie about this sort of thing. Number two, I don’t think Betty is creative enough to lie this well. When Betty and I talked early on, when she was first talking about all the bad things, I would hear Betty’s mother in the background talk about him too. That would mean that Betty and her mother would have both been in the the lie, and as I said, I don’t think she’s that creative. I think they really were having marriage problems. I think Betty really was considering divorce. That’s why she dragged me into all this. She was lonely, and I was a good substitution. I think what happened was that her husband started to miss Betty (or maybe just sex) around the time of their anniversary, so he asked her to visit him in Virginia. So, when Betty went over there, they reconciled. The surprise to me was that they reconciled. She said the surprise had to do with where she was the night she was at the hotel. That’s what it was. Why she called me the night of, I have no clue. I guess to be cruel. Betty probably was intending to tell me the surprise, but somehow Daniel found out first. Daniel was heart broken, and Betty didn’t know how to handle it. What was even worse was that Daniel told Betty that he would trust her, saying that he would believe what she said rather than rumor. Betty didn’t know what to do, so instead of just coming clean, she hung up on me. When I tried to call back, she got her husband to call me and tell me to stop calling her. That’s right, I believe that guy that called me that night was Betty’s husband. One reason I believe that because a trace on the phone number that called revealed that Betty’s phone number and the phone number that he called with were both cell phones of the same carrier. Another reason is because he referred to me as “Betty’s friend”. Betty’s husband wouldn’t have known what was going on between us, but a friend close enough for her to ask to tell me to stop calling me would have known about us. So, the guy who called me was probably Betty’s husband. One of the reasons I came to these conclusions is because I believe that had this not been so, Betty would have called me by now to clarify everything. You know, give me some verification that everything would be okay. It is scary to me. As I have said, no matter what the truth is, Betty had a responsibility to tell me everything, because she was the one who came to me for help. She was the one who started to make it more. It has been almost a week now, and I have heard nothing from her. Betty isn’t going to take responsibility. Instead she is going to hide behind her husband, who likely has no idea what his wife has been up to. Such lack of responsibility among mothers is unnerving.
All this is so classic, isn’t it? It is just so repetitive. Take the Meaghan situation for example. Meaghan got hurt when her boyfriend started seeing someone else. So, she started unofficially seeing her boyfriend’s coworker. I was needed to make the boyfriend jealous to regain his attention. Then she could get her boyfriend back. If that didn’t work, well then Daniel would be a good substitution. Parallel with the Betty situation. Betty’s husband wasn’t treating her right. She didn’t have anyone to talk to or fill her loneliness. So, just start talking to the lonely, vulnerable ex-boyfriend. He is a caring guy that has always been forgiving and warms up to her when she warms up to him and won’t judge her. If the husband eventually starts acting right, well then she can just kick Daniel to the curb. If he doesn’t, well then Daniel would be a good substitution. Sigh… Betty and I were together a long time, and never once did we have an argument or yell at each other. The one time that we did have an argument, she wouldn’t forgive me for it, and she wouldn’t allow us to ever get back together. It didn’t matter how good I was up until then. Assuming Betty wasn’t lying about all the things her husband did, I never did anything remotely close to what she’s forgiving him for.
The reason I point this out is the topic I chose: Justice. The point is that looking back over my experiences, I have realized that there aren’t really a whole lot of “bad things” that I have done in my life. I mean, I’m a 21 year old virgin guy that has never smoked or drank or done drugs, and I’ve only had two girlfriends, both lasting over two years each. However, the few things I have done, I have suffered severely for. In contrast, I personally have been stabbed time and time again by people I have considered my friends and by people I have reluctantly given my trust. I have also seen several men treat some of my close girl buddies horribly. As far I as I can see, little or nothing ever happens to them as a result. This little word justice. It is a legal term, of course. But in the realm of real wisdom, I think it is really something that is a myth.
Of course, the price to me with all this stuff that has happened to me these past few years are these issues I have now. I have this problem now where I am having serious difficulty figuring out if I am even attracted to women anymore. Oh, the things we can lose…
Classes are over. There is nothing left to do but finals. It looks like I will only be having three finals. I have a concert this afternoon at the hospital. I still have a big hill to climb, but when Thursday gets here, that will all be behind me. Heather should be back soon from her cruise with her boyfriend too. That’s great because I have missed my buddy. Caddy will be coming home soon, and I hope I get a chance to see her, but with Caddy, you never really know. I just hope this winter break doesn’t suck. I have had too many horrible Christmases these past years. Gary (the drum set player in civic band) keeps trying to get me to give this girl my phone number. I just shrug whenever he says it, but actually, it kind of annoys me.
Let me just finish these concerts and these finals and put it behind me. I am pretty sure next term will be harder than this one. Computer Networks is tough; Programming Languages with a really tough professor (I’ve had him before); Analysis of Algorithms with a really dry professor; and Mathematical Statistics 2, a class even math majors often drop. Geez…