The Total Truth

There are people that already know everything I am about to type in this blog. I have mentioned this in previous entries, and I am tired of hiding things. I believe that I have done nothing wrong, so there is no reason for me to hide it anymore. This entry will be very similar to the Villains entry I wrote back in June. I will post exact quotes from my vast records of IM chats and emails. I am tired of things being hidden. Judge me if you want. It doesn’t matter to me. My true friends love me. Everyone is now allowed to know what happened. The person I have been talking about in past entries, the one I said I was so happy and excited about, is no one new. I am sure many of you could have guessed it. She’s Betty. That’s right, same Betty I wanted to marry 3 years ago. Immediately I think there is a backslash, just because I said her name, but let me go on, because I have to tell you the whole story.
I want to go back to before she and I broke up. Before I graduated in high school. Early 2003. My original plans after high school were for me to study Computer Science in Ft. Lauderdale at a private university, Nova. I had already gotten letters from them saying they wanted me. I wanted to go, but there was something I wanted so much more: Betty. It was early that year that I realized how much I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. I was afraid of making that choice then. I wasn’t even 18 yet, and I was still in high school. I had my whole college life ahead of me, and I was scared of the future. I finally made the decision not to go to Ft. Lauderdale. I wanted to stay near her and eventually get the nerve up to propose to her. I ended up going to PJC. It was too late for me to apply at UWF, and I didn’t apply for any scholarships. I couldn’t afford to go to UWF. I got a job at PJC after going to school there a month. A woman named Yolanda also worked with me there. I am not a very good judge of age, but I knew she was probably about 8 years older than me. She had already been married and divorced, that’s what she told me. We learned about each other and became good friends. Yolanda knew all about Betty and how I wanted to marry her. Yolanda didn’t think it was crazy about how young we were, and she encouraged me to just go for it.
It was around that time that Betty started talking to military recruiters. The whole concept made me very afraid. It wasn’t that I was antimilitary or anything like that. I was just afraid that she would leave me and I would never see you again. The fact that I sacrificed my college plans for her and this was going on also made me feel unwanted. She knew that I wasn’t okay with it, and I think she was angry with me for not accepting it. I really started to wonder if proposing to her was a good idea. I really began to think that I wasn’t what she wanted. There was suddenly a month long period where she didn’t talk to me. We never saw each other during this time, and I don’t know what happened. Then she came back. When I asked you what happened, she just told me that she didn’t know why she did that, but that you were sorry she had been that way. I just forgot about it and went on. I just forgave her. I finally decided to do it. Yolanda and I started looking around. She seemed more excited about it than I was, but that wasn’t the case. I was so happy that I was finally gonna do it. I picked out a ring. One day when I knew she wasn’t going to be home, I called her dad and asked if he was busy. He said he wasn’t and said I could come talk to him. I asked him for his blessing. He told me that he had always thought very highly of me, even at a young age, and he said he would be happy if I married his daughter. I was surprised, and I didn’t know he felt that way.
Around that time, there was a sexual harassment case against my boss, Greg by Yolanda. I was the only witness, and I was freaking out. I tired five different times to propose to Betty. Each time I had something especially romantic planned out for her. Each time I did everything I could to make sure everything was just right. My final attempt was one night during a lunar eclipse, when the moon would be red like a heart. She didn’t come. That’s all I remember. I freaked out that night. Maybe it was all the stress at work, or at school, or not knowing if she was going to stay in town with me or not, or maybe it really was just that I tried five times to propose. I had a nervous breakdown that night. And that night everything changed. I went from being a man that was on top of the world to be a miserable sad guy that always seemed like his puppy died. I didn’t even know who broke up with who. A week after that I tried to call her. She told me that she would never look at me the same way again, and She told me that she would really break my heart someday. All I did in response was cry. I fell ill after that. I was sick for about a month, and I lost 45 pounds. I had oral surgery later that month too, which didn’t help matters.
Betty and I didn’t talk again until around March 2004. She asked me to go to the drum and guard show at Tate High School to watch her. I came and Scott Brown went with me. I watched her play. After that, it was time for the guards to perform. Scott left, and I asked if she wanted me to stay. She said she wanted me to, so I stayed. But during the guard shows, she didn’t sit next to me. For some reason, Asholey sat in between us. I recently talked to Asholey about that. Asholey told me that Betty asked her to sit in between us. I wanted to sit with her. I thought she was mad at me since she wouldn’t sit with me or talk to me. Then she suddenly had to go. It had something to do with one of your friends. She told me that she would call me when she finished and she and I would hang out together. I waited. She never called me. I went home and I cried.
It would be months before we would talk again. I think that it was the same year I sent her flowers on your birthday. Tulips, in fact. She didn’t really say anything about them until a while after the fact. Sometime in Fall 2004, we started talking again. I remember it was shortly after Hurricane Ivan. We talked a while and connected. And we planned to see each other and hang out. I think at that time she had an apartment, but she wanted me to meet her at her dad’s house. I got there, and she gave me a hug. She told me that she had to pick up her brother from somewhere, but that she would be right back when she finished and we would hang out. I waited for her, but she never came back. I remember it was a Wednesday, because I was late for my Wednesday night class that day. She never came back. In the excitement of it all, I accidentally locked my keys in my car. I tried to call Robert, thinking he could pop the lock, but he didn’t answer. So, I had to call home. As a result, they knew where I was. However, I made it to class in time.
I never heard from her again until months after that. Mid 2005, we started talking again, and we started to connect. I had graduated from PJC by then, and I was working for the county tax collector as a web designer. One day during my lunch break, I came to her dad’s house and we sat together on that car and talked. It was great. I really missed her. She had told the whole world on my guest book and my forums that she and I would get back together and no one could stop it. You are welcome to review everything that has been written on my forums. Look for the threads that are locked. Everyone on my website started to fight with her. I just got so mad at everyone and blasted everyone. I won’t lie. I really wanted Betty and I to get back together then. She finally just said that it would be best if she went away. The last thing I said on my website about that was that I didn’t want you to go away. But she did. I didn’t hear from you again after that. By then, it was June 2005.

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 11:10 pm
Just a little note to say hello to everyone and I’m calling truths. I will no longer be in this thing between Caddy and myself. Caddy I’m done. It’s over. O kay happy. Good. I still love Daniel and I do not wish harm on him of any one for that matter. I love him and if it takes me going away (losing contact) from then fine i’ll do so. I’m already out for milton i’m in beaufort, sc. so…. Caddy you win! Have a great and safe summer to all. Elizabeth I hope that your family is doing great. I hope that your family has a safe summer also. Elizabeth i’m sorry if i’ve cause any harm to you or your famiily please forgive if i have, i mean no harm to anyone. I hope that John is doing good. I hear all good things about your sweet boys. As for daniel, you know how to get a hold of me. My cell is always on….

Betty Jean

I responded with:

If you don’t already know, you should know. I don’t want to lose contact with you.

I completely lost contact with Betty after all that happened. A few short months after that happened, she conceived Lindsey, and after that she got married. I don’t know the circumstances of it all, and it probably isn’t my business. I didn’t know about her marriage until around January 2006. I checked my logs on my computer. In December 2005, she had talked to me off and on with the computer:
December 19, 2005:

Betty: hello
Daniel: hello
Betty: how are you doing??
Betty: are you ok
Daniel: i’m just fine :)
Betty: awesome!
Daniel: and how are you
Daniel: ?

Next day:

Betty: montner
Betty: whats up
Daniel: nothing
Daniel: i’m exhausted
Betty: honk
Betty: Y?
Daniel: i’ve been working a lot of hours lately
Betty: doing?
Daniel: installing computer labs mostly… but a few other things
Daniel: its a winter break thing
Daniel: i think it will slow down when classes start again… hopefully
Betty: you need to slow down
Daniel: ?
Daniel: how so
Betty: just enjoy life
Daniel: :) who said i
Daniel: am not enjoying life
Betty: are you
Daniel: i’m happy right now
Betty: really?
Betty: got a g/f
Daniel: no
Betty: ooooo
Daniel: yeah… everything is pretty smooth… minus a few awkward times at work
Daniel: i hung out with ashley a bit a couple of weeks ago
Daniel: but then i got busy with full time job…
Betty: ooooo
Betty: slow down
Daniel: LOL
Daniel: its okay… i only work full time this week and last week
Daniel: after that, i take a week break and come back for part time
Betty: ooo
Daniel: and then classes start and i get to make fun of a new set of professors with my buddy david who likes to steal stop signs and smash windsheilds.
Betty: lol
Daniel: we have a golf cart at work, and we aren’t very nice to it
Daniel: i had an accident today in fact
Daniel: never wreck in a car, but watch out golf cart!
Betty: how in the world
Betty: what are you all doing for christams?
Daniel: i hit the accel instead of the break and i smashed into the building :-)
Daniel: umm… christmas will be stressful…
Daniel: i dread christmas
Daniel: always have
Daniel: the only good part about christmas is picking out “special” gifts
Betty: ooo
Daniel: we managed to fit 13 computers in the golf cart at one time
Betty: kool
Daniel: but i wasn’t exactly in the safest position when i rode back
Daniel: only one foot was actually in the golf cart
Daniel: and today, we went airborn… oops
Betty: :(
Daniel: why do you frown
Daniel: i’ve been having to scold john a lot more lately
Daniel: he likes to push his brother over… poor ethan… he’s been dealing with it all his life… he doesn’t even cry when john pushes him down
Daniel: john’s turning a bit mean
Betty: like uncle
Daniel: no…
Daniel: ethan favors me a lot more than john does
Daniel: john is like his daddy
Daniel: *pokes his webcam*
Betty: johs like uncle
Daniel: john…
Daniel: sigh…
Daniel: sister stopped at 2 kids
Daniel: oh well… i thought she wanted 12
Betty: lol
Daniel: david and stephanie will have their round in a year or so
Betty: she would go insane
Daniel: and then no more kids!
Betty: lol
Daniel: celebrate!
Betty: daniel has to have kids
Daniel: david and stephanie are moving to tampa, so i probably won’t see them much
Daniel: i already have kids
Betty: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daniel: LOL
Daniel: not really though
Betty: oooo
Betty: i was worried
Daniel: why
Daniel: i thought you said i’d be a good dad
Daniel: heh… i don’t want to be a dad though
Daniel: i would only have children if a wife wanted some
Daniel: i couldn’t tell a spouse no children if she wanted them… that would be very nice of me
Daniel: *wouldn’t
Betty: you woud be a great daddy
Daniel: yeah… lots of people have told me that lately
Daniel: but i don’t really want children… i don’t even like being an uncle most of the time
Daniel: and there’s the whole issue with a missing egg
Daniel: i’d sorta need one of those
Daniel: science isn’t that good yet
Betty: lol
Betty: have you ever thouhg that you found an egg
Daniel: only the ones i eat
Betty: lol
Daniel: found eggs a lot on easter when i was littler
Betty: lol
Daniel: last weekend was a drag
Daniel: i was going to escort katie to a wedding, but she decided she didn’t wanna go. then i had to fix my brother’s computer, which took about 4 hours
Daniel: not a very good way to spend a saturday
Betty: well i need to get to bed
Betty: i’ll talk to you later
Betty: honk
Daniel: alright
Betty: byebyebyebyebyeybe
Daniel: good night betty
Betty: night
Betty: GO TO BED SOOn
Daniel: i’ll try
Betty: before like 2
Daniel: i’m thinking
Betty: xoxox

December 22:

Betty: Daniel
Daniel: Betty?
Betty: MONTNER?
Betty: how are you
Daniel: hi
Daniel: tired
Daniel: i’m at work
Daniel: what’s up?
Betty: oooo
Betty: am i your friend
Daniel: as far as i know you are
Daniel: why wouldn’t you be
Betty: then y am i not on your friends page?
Daniel: didn’t we have this conversation LOL
Daniel: i haven’t updated my friends page in months
Betty: ;(
Betty: :((
Betty: ok
Daniel: don’t be down, just because you’re not there doesn’t mean you’re not my friend
Betty: forgivn
Betty: o tay
Daniel: sho nuff
Daniel: maybe i’ll update it when i go on break
Betty: ok
Betty: kisses
Daniel: but i’m not sure what to put on it
Daniel: :-*
Daniel: are you okay
Betty: ….
Betty: i was looking at your site
Daniel: dot dot dot
Betty: at the pics and i really like the one of us after prom
Daniel: yeah, you’ve said that before
Betty: we looked so happy
Betty: do you like it
Betty: ?
Daniel: well yeah
Daniel: so, on the web site they stay
Betty: ok
Betty: thanks
Daniel: thanks?
Daniel: well, i wasn’t planning on removing them anyway
Betty: for keeping them on there
Daniel: why do you like them on there so much
Betty: they make me happy
Daniel: ah, alright
Daniel: >:D

December 24:

Betty: MARYCHRISTMAS
Daniel: ?
Daniel: merry?
Betty: or soon to be
Betty: my bad
Daniel: right
Daniel: merry christmas to you as well
Betty: are you alrught
Betty: thank you very much
Daniel: i’m sort of in the middle
Daniel: i’m talkng to kim and nick right now
Daniel: we’re planning to do something next week
Betty: ooo
Betty: do i need to let you go
Betty: ?
Daniel: nope
Betty: are they getting married yet?
Daniel: LOL
Daniel: no
Daniel: nick and kim haven’t even met
Betty: ooo
Daniel: you’re thinking joey
Betty: they broke up?
Daniel: no
Daniel: joey and kim are still together
Daniel: nick is a friend of mine
Betty: ooo
Betty: is her and joey getting married
Daniel: i think so…
Betty: kool
Betty: tell kim that i said hello
Betty: we should hang out one day.
Daniel: kim says “hi betty”
Betty: kool
Betty: give her my yahoo id if she would like it
Daniel: well, i don’t know
Betty: …
Daniel: i relayed the message anyway
Betty: ok
Daniel: i think kim is a bit reserved
Daniel: :-)
Betty: ok
Betty: betty is looking online for people
Daniel: which people
Betty: u
Daniel: i’m right her
Daniel: *here
Betty: i know
Daniel: where am i supposed to be
Betty: what is your zip code *****?
Daniel: umm yep
Daniel: same as it has always been
Daniel: why
Betty: just makinfg sure
Daniel: 90210!
Betty: found you
Betty: lol
Betty: who is troy
Betty: i’m talking to her
Daniel: troy?
Daniel: or tory?
Betty: tory
Daniel: that’s my tory bear
Betty: alright.
Betty: just asking
Daniel: she’s matheny’s girlfriend
Daniel: lauren’s younger sister
Daniel: my pretend niece
Betty: which one
Daniel: all three
Daniel: tory is
Betty: ok
Betty: kool
Betty: dont you love pace fl?
Daniel: no
Daniel: i hate it here
Betty: move
Betty: …
Daniel: i well
Daniel: *will
Betty: when
Daniel: when a girl takes me away?
Daniel: LOL
Betty: lol
Daniel: what are you up to anyway
Betty: nothing
Betty: im never up to anything
Daniel: oh
Daniel: i’m hanging out with people next week
Daniel: maybe kim
Daniel: maybe joey
Betty: im a good girl
Daniel: maybe nick and david (not brother)
Daniel: and maybe katie
Betty: :(
Betty: KATIE + Danile= evil
Daniel: why
Betty: i just don’t like her
Betty: she wants you
Betty: i guess if you like her then go for it
Daniel: nah
Betty: you like her dont you
Daniel: nope
Daniel: she’s just my friend
Betty: really….
Daniel: i’ve known katie since 2nd grade
Daniel: if something were going to happen, it would have by name
Daniel: *now
Betty: it almost did rem
Betty: .
Daniel: no it didn’t’
Daniel: that was me being vulnerable
Daniel: i’m not vulnerable now
Betty: reLLY…
Betty: REALLY…
Daniel: yes ma’am
Daniel: i don’t like katie
Daniel: she’s just my friend
Betty: ok
Betty: please be safe
Daniel: be safe?
Daniel: what do you mean
Daniel: i carry a knife, i’ll be fine ;-)
Daniel: why are you so worried about katie
Betty: …????rather not say
Daniel: what difference does it make anyway
Betty: it just does ok
Daniel: alright… i don’t get it, but that’s fine
Daniel: katie can’t have me anyway
Betty: i just want you to be happy
Daniel: LOL what’s wrong with katie
Daniel: why wouldn’t i be happy?
Betty: would that make you happy
Daniel: not now
Daniel: mine eyes are not on her :-P
Daniel: i do not have any desire for katie
Betty: and may i ask who are thay on
Daniel: so i wouldn’t be happy
Betty: ?
Daniel: :-P
Betty: tell me
Daniel: not katie
Betty: Daniel
Betty: i will go cry
Daniel: why
Betty: betty needs to now
Betty: Know
Daniel: but you don’t know her
Betty: all the reason to tell me
Daniel: well…
Daniel: actually i’ve never met her
Daniel: :(
Betty: ohh
Daniel: so i’ve got nothing to tell
Daniel: but i don’t like katie
Daniel: i don’t understand why you worry, but you needn’t
Betty: ok
Daniel: why do you “need to know”
Daniel: i’ve been single for years now, so what difference does it make
Betty: adiline?
Daniel: Adeline?
Daniel: what about Adeline :-)
Betty: is thst the one??
Daniel: no
Betty: sure
Daniel: Adeline is my asian buddy
Daniel: she’s 22 and she’s a health worker
Daniel: she says i don’t take care of myself
Daniel: LOL
Betty: where
Daniel: where?
Betty: where does she work
Daniel: actually, i’m not quite sure
Betty: where does she live
Daniel: canada
Betty: name
Daniel: ?
Betty: her name
Daniel: it is on my blog
Daniel: most things are :-P
Betty: where
Betty: on bigmalletman.com
Daniel: yes
Betty: me see no blog
Daniel: http://www.bigmalletman.com/weblog/
Betty: weblog
Daniel: “blog” is short for web-log
Betty: there
Daniel: if you didn’t know
Betty: >:P
Daniel: ?
Betty: Megan
Daniel: *gasp*
Betty: what day??
Betty: HELP BETTY
Daniel: what day?
Daniel: what do you mean by that
Betty: is the name in
Daniel: LOL
Daniel: December 24th?
Betty: is it caddy??
Betty: lol
Daniel: Caddy?
Daniel: i couldn’t be with caddy
Daniel: brb
Daniel: back
Betty: that was really sweet
Betty: roses
Daniel: it isn’t the first time i’ve sent someone flowers
Daniel: 3rd time actually
Betty: who
Betty: i got flowers one time for my birthday
Daniel: yes
Daniel: the was my frist ime
Daniel: *first time
Betty: who else
Daniel: i sent heather chocolate and flowers once for valentine’s day
Betty: hgdmhghgf
Betty: ‘i dont like her
Daniel: she said no guy had ever sent her stuff like that before
Daniel: so i did it
Daniel: had to do something for v day ;-)
Betty: i dont like a lot of people
Daniel: i like everyone
Betty: well i got to put giftsout i’ll talk to you later
Betty: be good
Betty: and i hope that everything goes great for you 2
Daniel: no good!
Daniel: who?
Betty: i’ll call you when i get back

She didn’t call me, by the way.
It would be a while before I would hear any word for Betty again. But eventually, she sent me the following message via MySpace:

May 10, 2006 1:56 PM

i’m really sorry for hurting you i really did / do love you. i’m truly sorry. i’ll understand if you don’e want to talk to me or have contact with me
i love you montner…..

Always
betty

you have my e mail.
i know that you have questions, just e mail them to me and i’ll answer them

i’m moving to cali in jan.

It was pretty random to me. But by then I knew she was married. At that time, I was in the middle of something with Ms. Meaghan, and I had no interest in contacting Betty. It wasn’t that I was over Betty. I thought Meaghan and I were going to have something, and I was still upset with Betty after all that happened. You may look at the Villains entry to see what happened with Meaghan and I. After Meaghan hurt me, I was more willing to talk to Betty. Probably because I was so hurt. On June 24, 2006, I decided to reply to Betty’s message. I told her everything that had happened with Meaghan and I. Here is the last sentence of that reply:

I don’t know. It is hard for me to explain to you. After you and I broke up, I began to have a really hard time trusting women. And I never dated again. Meaghan somehow brought out things in me that I didn’t even know were still there. I gave her my trust, and she betrayed me. It will be extremely hard for anyone to bring that out in me again. Maybe impossible? You said that I have questions and that you’ll answer them. Fact is, I do know most everything already I think. But I don’t know them from you. I know them because I am really good at finding out things. What I would really like is for you to just tell me EVERYTHING that has happened so that we can just put it all behind us and begin to have a normal friendship. It has always been my hope that you would be happy. I would really like to hear how you are happy again. So, reply and let me know. Good luck!
I love you too, Betty.
Daniel

Betty made this reply on my birthday (July 12, 2006):

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
you said that you wanted me to be happy well I’m not. i dislike almost everything in my life. I’m in a relationship that is not very good. I got married in Nov of last year and almost everything has been down hill since then. i had a little baby girl 3 weeks ago. her name is Lindsey Denise. I’m sorry for hurting you i really am. you never realize what you have until it’s gone. i know that none of this makes you happy, but that;s my life. I’m also sorry for all the crap that you have been through. i really would LOVE to have you as a friend but i’m not sure how you feel. I love you! you’re honestly the best boyfriend that i’ve ever had. i wish that there was some way to make everything right again but there isn’t i don’t think! I’ll let this e mail close i would love to hear from you really soon so did you know all of that? anything that i’ve missed?? Betty Jean

From here, our conversations leave the electronic realm. We started talking on the phone. Obviously, I cannot do any direct quoting, because I do not have recordings of the phone conversations. She told me how her marriage was going. She told me that everything had gone down hill since she got married. She told me a whole lot of things. Not all at once, but gradually. Betty told me that she and her husband had a fight in February 2006, and that they hadn’t been the same ever since. Betty told me that they stopped talking to each other and stopped sleeping together. She told me that he was telling her that the pregnancy made her fat and she would have to get a diet as soon as possible. Told me he was just mean to her. She asked me what I thought she should do. I didn’t know what to think. I was so upset. I even cried. I couldn’t believe what Betty was telling me. I never wanted Betty to get hurt. I told Betty that I thought she should do everything possible to reconcile with her husband. She told me that she has tried and failed. Then later, Betty told me that she had looked through his email and found nude pictures of his first wife in there. It made Betty very angry. Betty also said that he drinks too much and she doesn’t like that. I began to worry about her and her baby. I told her that it might be a good idea for them to separate for a while. I was worried that it might have been worse than Betty led on. After that, Betty told me that he was in the barracks and not in the house anymore and that she was happy. She later told me that she moved out with her baby and wasn’t talking to him anymore. Betty also told me that her husband had another girlfriend on the side and had gotten her pregnant. The word divorce also crept up from time to time. “divorce process”, etc. I am just going from memory here. I tried my best to be there for her. Then one day you sent me a text message that said that what she wanted was for me to still want her like I used to even though she had a baby. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know about getting involved with a divorced woman. Eventually, I gave in through. Truth is, I never stopped loving her. I still have text messages on my old cell phone after that. I will quote them now. I told her that I was willing to take her back.
Sept. 4, 2006, 3:06PM

Daniel i cant ask you that. I have a baby. You dont need that

Sept. 4, 2006, 3:17PM

Its not that i dont love you its just a lot to ask.

Sept. 4, 2006, 3:29PM

Daniel i love you more than you will ever know. I love you with all my heart. I never stopped

Sept. 4, 2006, 3:49PM

I dont want you to give up your life.

Sept. 4, 2006, 4:08PM

Baby i love you too. You know that it would be a little bit because im still married.

I am sure that will be my last record of those text messages. Once the battery is dead in that old cell phone, that’s it. So, as you can see, things began to get romantic between Betty and I. I do not have what I sent, but I am sure you can read in between the lines. Betty and I wanted to be involved again, but I had to wait a little while because she was still married.
It was a difficult decision for me to make. I knew my family and my friends and my church wouldn’t like the idea. I decided that didn’t matter to me. I still loved her, and I still wanted to be with her. One night, she text messaged me and asked me how far I would wanted a relationship with her to go. I responded that I wasn’t sure what she were asking me. She told me to please answer. I told her that I wouldn’t leave her, so we would probably marry if it was what she wanted. She asked me if I wanted marriage with her, and I said yes. She asked me these things, and I gave her honest answers.
She never told me what she wanted from me though. I finally asked her one day what she wanted from a relationship. She told me that she wanted someone who respects what she does. Someone who doesn’t see her as an object. I asked if I was that person, and she said “possibly”. I asked her if she wanted to be in a relationship with me, and she told me we’d have to talk about that later. We haven’t talked about it at all. Every time I try to bring it up, something seems to come up and she can’t talk.
Betty and I had been talking a very long time, since July. She told me that she wanted me in September, so this is nothing new. It has been going on for a while now. Then suddenly, she stopped answering my phone calls. I would call her, and I would go to voice mail. The last time I talked to her on the phone was Wednesday, November 22nd. I finally found her on my computer, and she just told me:

Nov. 26 Betty: I ve had fam problems

Nov. 29 Betty: I love you ive just got fam stuff

So I accepted that answer, but it had been a long long time since she talked to me. I didn’t get it, and she wouldn’t give me any explanation other than “fam stuff”. Still, I accepted this answer. I know things happen from time to time, especially since Betty is a single mom. Yesterday, I got an anonymous tip. It said nothing more than to find information about “big_doggy_d”. I don’t know who it was. I was on my iBook when I received the message, so I have no record of it, and I don’t remember the screen name it came from. So, I didn’t know what it was. I looked up “big_doggy_d”. I found a MySpace page, and I found a Yahoo profile. Oddly enough, it was Betty’s husband. The MySpace page was full of pictures of Betty and the baby. It also said his interests are, “Taking care of my Daughter Lindsey and keeping things good between me and my wife.” The Yahoo profile says, “Taking care of my new Daughter Lindsey. She’s 4 months old now and growing so fast.” and “I’ve been married for about a year now. I get to spend my first wedding anniversary away from home. My daughter was born on my parents 30th anniversary back on June 19th. God bless the children. She’s beautiful. I love her and my wife Betty so much it hurts.” Both profiles have been very recently updated.
Finding these made me very confused and disturbed. It almost sounds like from reading them that everything is just fine in their marriage. But that doesn’t make any sense. Betty told me all this stuff that happened. The truth is that I trust Betty. Okay? Betty came to me wanting this, and she wanted me to trust her, so I do. I don’t know her husband. There are four possibilities here:

  • Her husband just has that stuff on there because he is delusional.
  • Her husband doesn’t realize how bad the marriage is right now.
  • Betty has been lying to me this whole time.
  • Somehow Betty and her husband reconciled and she hid it from me.

I don’t know what is going on, but I trusted Betty. Betty told me what she wanted from me, and I am willing to give it to her. So, I tried to ask Betty about this. I called Betty today and told her what I had found. I proceeded to tell her that I trusted her and… Betty hung up on me. Just like that, she hung up on me. I tried to call her back, but she wouldn’t answer. She seemed pretty angry, but I was not angry. I was being calm. I wanted her to know that I trusted her and believe everything she had told me. I tried to call her a few more times, but she never answered, so I sent her a text message asking her to please talk to me. Her reply was:

Dont take this the wrong way but im not up to it

I tried one final time to call her, but she didn’t answer. After that, a number I didn’t recognize called me and I picked up. It was a guy. He asked “Is this Betty’s friend?” I said, “Yes.” “She asked me to tell you she wants you to stop calling her.”
What did I ever do to Betty to deserve this? I have done nothing but be nice and supportive of her. I want to trust Betty, but I have to say that things are adding up. I thought Betty had already gone through the divorce process. Betty stopped talking to me unexpectedly, only telling me she had “fam stuff”. I get an anonymous tip asking me to look at information about her husband. Such information seemed to suggest he believes everything is okay with their marriage. When I bring this to Betty, she hangs up on me, and a guy tells me to stop calling her. I am beginning to think I am part of some sort of extramarital affair, and I didn’t even realize it.
Yes, I stopped trying to call Betty. I am no stalker. If Betty doesn’t want me to call her anymore, then I won’t. But for the record, she came to me. I didn’t go to her. She was in distress and I was there for her when she needed me. She told me she wanted me to want her, so I chose to. But like everyone else I have put my trust in, she left me. One more thing, if I was part of some sort of extramarital affair, and this blog exposes that, that is not my problem. I have done nothing wrong.
It saddens me. In the beginning of this, Betty was talking about how she didn’t realize what she had until she lost it. She told me I was the best boyfriend she ever had. But still, somehow, when I need to talk to Betty, she won’t let me. I never do that to her. If she needs to talk to me, I am here for her. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Maybe nothing is wrong, and Betty is just too mad tonight to talk to me and will talk to me later. Maybe her husband is wrong, and everything Betty has told me is true. Maybe Betty really is having family trouble and plans to start talking to me again really soon. Either way, one thing is very sure: Betty is leaving me out to dry, and that’s not fair. If Betty and her husband are okay now, then Betty has a responsibility to tell me. No matter how I react, Betty started this, and she should take the responsibility of telling me it was her mistake. If there are lies being told here, well, I trust Betty. She needs to give me confirmation though. AND IT WAS WRONG OF HER TO HANG UP ON ME AND SHUN ME!! I trust her, but she isn’t doing much to maintain that trust anymore.
So now the world knows what I have been doing. Heather knew about this from day one. Heather encouraged me to be there for Betty in her distress. Heather told me that I have been happier than I have been in years, and said that it would be good if Betty and I got back together. Heather put her trust in Betty. Heather wanted to become Betty’s friend. My other friends were more skeptical, but they were supportive. The truth is, I didn’t want this to become public until Betty and I were more solid. I knew people would be disappointed in me, so I put it off until I was secure that things were going to be okay.
I took this picture yesterday. It is my little nephew Ethan playing in his Uncle Daniel’s bed. That kid loves playing with me. I’ve been told I would be a great father, but there is a big problem. I haven’t dated anyone since Betty and I broke up. I haven’t even really been attracted to any girl since Betty and I broke up. Sure there was that one thing with Meaghan, but I don’t even know how I was feeling then. I never like anyone new. It is like I only chase after memories. To be honest, and this scares me, I don’t think I even like girls anymore.
So now everyone gets to know.
Comment to this blog if you have any questions.

One Reply to “The Total Truth”

  1. I think you did the right thing. I also believe that you shouldn’t be afraid of one of your friends changing their opinion about you after reading this because if they do, they were never really your friend. I went through something similar once where a girl told me she wanted me then all of the sudden changed her mind. I believe that some girls have this thing where they are afraid to get into a serious relationship with one of their guy friends because they are afraid they will “hurt them.” I believe that is why Betty wandered away in the first place.

    The following is all theory. I’m basing this on personal experience and what I read. I don’t even know Betty so I might be way off. As for her showing back up in your life just before Thanksgiving and doing what she did, was really unnecessary. I can believe that she got in a fight with her husband and that they were drifting apart. The fact is, she probably got in many fights. My parents used to fight all the time. They didn’t talk to each other much, they slept in different beds, etc. It eventually led to them getting a divorce. I’m thinking the thought of this going through Betty’s mind really scared her. She probably thought back to the point in her life where she went down the opposite path from you, Daniel. From what you have said on this blog, she never knew your true feelings. I think your conversations with her in the early part of the year was her trying to find that out. I believe that since she didn’t really get a straight answer, she just came right out and asked you a few weeks ago.

    I think its one of them “what if..” games. What if I get a divorce? What will I do after a divorce? What if I had stayed with Daniel? This sounds like an all too familiar game that some girls play. They try to do this without “hurting” you; but, wind up doing it anyway.

    Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe she will call you back and set things straight and tell you really what she has been up to. Just rest assured that you didn’t do anything wrong. I know you have been freaking out lately and I haven’t expressed a whole lot of concern. It’s because I’m not what you would call the relationship doctor. I just don’t want give any bad advice. I’ll try though… I say you should wait and get a definite explanation from her. If you don’t, it’s going to eat you alive. That’s the only thing that is going to fix anything right now. Whatever the case though, you should probably seriously consider moving on. I know how hard this can be. Trust me, I have big problems with it myself. If you need to talk, just ask.

Comments are closed.