Back to the basics

Today I was reading my sister’s blogs, and it got me thinking about my own blog. You know, I make so much of an effort to keep people from knowing too much about me that I usually end up saying nothing at all. I don’t necessarily think that is a bad thing, because I usually am not writing for other people; I am usually writing so that I can clear my own mind, as well as keep some written record of things in my life in addition to all my IM chat logs. I used to keep a handwritten journal, but I didn’t write in it much and I didn’t do a good job keeping up with it. So, I was thinking that for now, it would just be nice to just write about myself and not go into any of these vague topics that I have been getting into.
Daniel: The Weekly Life
I consider Monday to be the first day of the week. I know that’s contrary to Judeochristian tradition, but that’s alright to me. I am more ISO 8601 as far as that goes. This term, Monday is my longest day of the week, but it is also the day that I feel most motivated. I do not work on Mondays, and I can usually sleep longer than I do on other days of the week. I usually start out my Mondays doing a little bit of studying right when I wake up. Then I shower etc, and I usually go out to have lunch with Heather. Heather and I usually give ourselves about two hours to eat, which is obviously a lot more time than we need. Heather and I will talk about just about everything. Honestly, I think Heather is an absolute nut case. Every time I think I’ve seen her at her weirdest, she does something to make me realize how wrong I really am. To me, Heather is just a big kid. I don’t mean that to sound degrading. She is seems to me like a care free and fun person that doesn’t really care if people think she’s nuts. I also feel comfortable enough to tell her anything, push her, or poke her, or just hug the snot out of her. Heather’s been in my life for almost seven years now, and we are there for each other, despite problems we have had with each other in the past. She is my special little buddy, and I love her to death. The only warning I have about her is that she is very protective of me. I doubt she could really do anything if she wanted to, but she has shown in the past that she is willing to tell off anyone who she believes has mistreated me. And I, in turn believe that is nothing I would not be willing to do for her no matter what the cost to myself. Anyway, after I get done spending time with buddy, I have to bite the bullet and go to my first class of the week, Software Engineering. This was supposed to be my easiest class, but unfortunately, I have not have much fun in this class. I don’t want to go into too much detail about it on here until after the class is finished. Things you write online have a tendency to come back at you. Let’s just say I’m going to have something to say in my review at the end of this class. That class last three hours, which is absolutely horrible, but all but one of my classes is all three hours at once. Between my first class and my second class of Monday, I have a two hour break. It really depends on what needs to be done as to what I do during that time. I might grab something to eat or I will study or work on a programming project from one of my classes with David. Then I go to Operating Systems, which is my favorite class of the term. That’s another three hour class, but it isn’t bad. After that, I scurry home. Tuesdays I have to get up a bit earlier. I go to work (we’ll talk about work later), and then I go to Mathematical Statistics class. At first, that class was really tough. It still is tough, but I have a lot better understanding of what is going on in that class now. David is in that class with me, but he is in all my classes with me. The first thing I do for that class is pick up Jenny from her dorm. David is called my CompSci buddy, where as Jenny is my Math buddy. I met Jenny last spring in my Set Theory and Logic class. Well, she and I never sat by each other in that class actually. I met her at the end of that term. I took a math course and a statistics course that summer, so at the end of the spring term, I just said out loud, “Is anyone taking Discrete Math or Biostatistics this summer?” The only person who had an affirmative answer was Jenny, who sat two rows away from me. That’s when Jenny and I met. Jenny graduated with her Associates degree after fall 2005, so that spring was her first term at UWF. So, I’ve actually had a class with her every term she’s been at UWF. Jenny graduated from OW community college and is engaged. Her goal has been to finish her degree in three years, and she doesn’t work. She lives on campus here in Pensacola, and then goes home on the weekends. I am glad to have met Jenny. She’s a really nice person, and we have helped each other out in the math classes we’ve shared. I’ve also shared a few personal things with her about myself, because she’s an easy person to talk to. We will graduate together, and I think that is awesome. After an hour and a half of Mathematical Statistics, I drop Jenny back off at her dorm, and then I go back to work. After work, I go home and usually study, rest, or practice depending on which I think is most important at the time. Tuesday nights I have 2 hour Civic Band rehearsals. I was asked to join Civic Band by my good buddy Asholey back in the beginning of the year. Unfortunately, Asholey had things come up in her life, and she was only able to stay in it with me for a season. I met Asholey either my junior or senior year in high school. She was a friend of my girlfriend at the time, and I am actually surprised we became as close as we have. To be honest, I am not even sure how we became close. We graduated from two different high schools at the same time, and she started teaching the pit percussion group that I was captain of for 3 years. I would be willing to guess that she really got to know me better via the seniors she instructed that I left behind. She and I have had lunches and dinners together, and I’ve shared things with her, and I regard her as one of my closest friends, even though right now I haven’t talked to her as much as I’d like. After Asholey stopped coming to Civic Band, I wanted to quit too. I didn’t, though. The Civic Band has tried to find a second mallet player to replace Asholey, but they haven’t, and they have been looking a good while now. I stay in Civic Band because I feel that I am needed. I am not as good as I’d like to be, and I don’t have time to practice as much as I’d like to, but I do my best. Staying in Civic Band has given me a chance to re-challenge myself and maybe reconnect to a sector of myself that had been neglected. I was in band throughout high school, but I have not been in college band. I started working the same time I started college, so I figured I would have so many new things hitting me at once, that I did not need the extra stress of college band. I have not decided if that was for the best or not. I am a lot better at mallets now than I was when I first started Civic Band. I might even say that I am good now, but I still am not convinced that I am as good as I was my senior year of high school. My ability to read music is actually better than it was when I was in high school, but my hands don’t keep up with my mind anymore. I can sight read perfectly, as long as I’m not playing. The good news is I don’t have to practice long to get something down. That’s really good, because I just don’t have the time to dedicate too much to practicing. I am a Computer Science and Math guy; as a musician, I just do my best. Wednesdays, I mostly work all day. I have my Theory of Computation class that night for three hours. I am doing well in that class, but honestly, I haven’t really figured out the point of that class yet. The professor of that class amuses me, and I suppose that’s the highlight of Wednesdays. Thursdays are just like Tuesdays, but without band rehearsals. Fridays, I work with no class. Now let’s talk about work. I work in the College of Arts and Sciences helpdesk at UWF. Sometimes I enjoy it, usually I tolerate it, sometimes I loathe it. Sounds like a classic job, huh? There is no in between at work. Work is either really hectic or really boring. It kills me sometimes how when we need something done like add a power outlet, that work order has about a six month turn around time, but if I take more than 48 hours to do a work order, some people complain. I generally do not deal with complainers. When people complain, I direct them to someone else. The truth is, my average completion time of work orders is less than 2 days, but I do not work every day nor do I work every hour. I am only one person, and I do not know everything. I do not push myself too hard, and I ignore those who I think I should. At work, we have this golf cart, which gets us into more trouble than we should be in. There are three college students working for CAS Support, one sort of person, and one graduate student. I won’t say too much about my coworkers. I have gotten to the point to where I do not want any of my coworkers to get too close to me or to know too much about me. And that’s that. Friday nights and Saturdays vary. Sundays, I do go to church. I write the church bulletins and I sing in the choir. Frustrations with the bulletin include: People don’t tell me things and I cannot go to church on Wednesday nights, so I often have nothing to put in the bulletin, so I have to dig and dig for quotes and tidbits to fill white space. I have done the bulletins for three years now, so I have gotten better at that though. Another frustration is that I don’t really think anyone reads them anyway. Choir frustrations include: People aren’t motivated right now. People don’t come to practice on time. We do not practice enough. We do not learn enough new songs. Also musical frustrations. I believe that any and every choir director must be able to read music, and preferably be able to read music better than the musicians. I believe that songs should be sung as they were arranged. To me, substituting rhythms is something to be avoided (and if you must, rewrite), and singing with only lyrics with no written music is absolutely unnerving. I enjoy singing, but the choir just feels dead to me. The next question might be: So why don’t you do it, Daniel? Well, to be honest, I doubt I’d ever be asked to. I do what I am told, but I rarely volunteer. And, there’s still the issue that I don’t go to church on Wednesdays. So, that’s that.
Daniel: On Religion
My personal beliefs on Christianity are rather plain and simple. There is a bottom line: If you have never seen yourself as a sinner and asked Christ to save you from those sins, you’re in trouble. I mean, you can go into tangents about how baptism should be done etc., and those are debates that can be had. But the above is what I consider the bare minimum. Unfortunately, I know that the vast majority of people, including Christians never do that.
Daniel: On “the issues”
My views on morality might sound a little more moderate than you might think. My personal view on moral issues is that I have my own set of morals, and I expect nothing from anyone else. And that’s pretty much that. Take abortion for example. I consider myself to be pro-life, but I am not an activist. I have not been asked to vote on anything, so I try not to think about it much. As far as I am concerned, my responsibility is to not get a girl pregnant, unless I am intending to get a girl pregnant. I am not a woman, so it really isn’t my decision, so the only thing I can do is make sure I am not in any way responsible. Is that cold? I am a realist. The truth is, the pure pro-life agenda is actually a minority (around 30% last I checked). This issue is not going to be solved in my lifetime. And, that’s that. Now, take drinking. I do not drink. I have no desire to drink, ever. Most of my best friends do. My desire is just that no danger should come to them. If that means I have drive one of them home, or maybe even house them for a night, I will do that. I feel differently about smoking, but not as an issue so much. I am allergic to smoke. If I’m around it very long, I’ll get very ill. I find smoking unattractive, but I have been at one point very attracted and close to a smoker (despite of). Still, I didn’t go out with her for other reasons, but that’s another subtitle. I personally do not want anyone, especially those I love, to do anything self destructive, but that isn’t my decision. Realistically, remember that I am a college guy. I cannot think of anyone off the top of my head that hasn’t done something that might be considered suggestive. I have not. I also understand again that this is college. Almost everyone does things in college, and that doesn’t make them horrible people in the long run. Sometimes, but not always. The trick is, don’t do anything that will ruin your life in the long run. In regards to morality, as far as I am concerned, loyalty trumps morality. If a friend needs me, I don’t care about my image. I will do whatever I must to protect a friend.
Daniel: On Politics
I registered to vote as soon as I turned 18. I have voted in every election (minus the last primary). I must say, I have only been a voter for three years, and I am already sick of it. I am a registered Republican, but I will probably drop my party affiliation whenever I get around to it. Politicians are just that: politicians. A bunch of lawyers, businessmen, and the occasional antiwar soldier. They’re not leaders, and they’re not moral gurus. I have been told that my idea of the best government is one similar to Plato’s. I told that person I think that is a little far, but still… I personally believe that the greatest among us are the scientists. Think about it. Most of them go to about 6 years of very difficult classwork, and for what? Scientists get paid a lot less than they used to, and most of them are in danger of losing their jobs overseas. Scientists generally are not businessmen. Their mission is life is not necessarily to make big bucks, if it were, they would be businessmen. They do what they do because they make society better. In a ideal society, the leadership would be given to the unambitious educated. Pretty crazy views, huh? Still, in defense of politicians, I do not think they should be expected to be moral gurus. I have complaints from people about how we have a bunch of criminals in Washington, speaking namely about the Folly case down in South Florida. I don’t think that sort of thing happens that often. Actually to be quite honest, for every politician I hear about doing something sexually immoral, I hear about three preachers, priests, etc. doing something far worse. Some of them, not too far away from home. I’m just saying, be careful how you judge reality. And that’s that.
Daniel: On War
I don’t like war, but I don’t believe the United States is the cause of all the earth’s problems either. The end.
Daniel: On Love
I have had two girlfriends, both relationships lasted longer than two years. I have not dated, nor given much attempt at dating, in three years or so. I have kissed four girls in my lifetime, and I have told three girls “I love you”. Of course by that, I mean in a romantic way. I tell almost all my friends I love them on a very regular basis. I have never casually kissed anyone, and I give long hug on a regular basis. I have never told a girl that I love her without meaning it; that’s just wrong. In a relationship, I think I tend to be a spoiler. I like for a girl to have whatever I can give her. I don’t like for a girl to overly prepare themselves for me. I don’t have to be impressed by how well you paint your face, because you have already gotten my attention. You don’t have to make yourself smell like a fruit basket, because I have a very limited sense of smell anyway. I am not a very exciting person, so I tend to be attracted to people who seem to be the type to make me more exciting. I am generally not attracted women that are overly submissive. I like for a girl to have her own brain. Unfortunately, I am a very shelled and closed off person. Any girl that would want any shot at me would have to know that and be willing to pick away at the shell with patience. Although I do get lonely from time to time, the fear of being hurt trumps that loneliness. The irony is that it may very well be that I am alone because I have a fear of being left alone. There is much more to it than that, but that’s just what I’ll say here. Only my closest friends need to know more than that. As I have said before, I do not believe in destiny. I do not believe there is a single person designed for a single person. I also have a tendency to be attracted to people that think differently about things than I do. Go figure. So, now the question is, “Well what is all this talk in your previous entries? What’s going on?” In an effort not to be vague, I will just say a little: I am deeply in love with someone that loves me too. Unfortunately, things being the way they are this is more complicated than it should be. I am positive there will be a ton people who will turn on me when things come out. I have come to accept that, and I am not worried; but the truth is that it is just not time yet. We need to wait and see if everything is going to work out. If it doesn’t, and it may very well not, then I am not going to tell anyone. Heather knows everything, and she is who I go to when I absolutely have to talk to someone about it. She is extremely supportive of me and helps keep my spirits up. That is enough for me, so that should be enough for you. Don’t like it? Oh well. And don’t think going and nagging Heather will get you anything either. Heather is exceeding loyal to Dan’l, and she is the only person that I want knowing for now.
Daniel: On Buddies
To me, there are friends, and then there are buddies. Anyone can be my friend, but it takes someone really special to be my buddy. Most of my buddies are girls, like Heather, Caddy, Tory, Asholey, Kim, etc., but there’s a few guys too like Kenny. My relationships with these people are something that to me are beyond friendship, something not easily broken. There are people that I used to consider my buddies that I no longer consider anymore. This is rare however, and pretty much takes a completely unapologetic, conscious betrayal. I am a very forgiving person. I know people aren’t perfect, and I know people are often misinterpreted. My buddies are gold to me, and many of my buddiships are far deeper relationships than some of my real relationships were. I can tell some of my buddies just about anything. In fact, Caddy has enough dirt on me to completely destroy me if she were a blackmailing person. Yet she loves me anyway. Heather knows what I talked about above. I thought she would be against it, but she stands by me with more support than I ever could have asked for. Is there anything sweeter than that? Yip.
Daniel: On Grudges
I don’t like them. My personal beliefs include that of one should never be angry with someone for longer than a day. That doesn’t necessarily require that I must make things right with them. I just believe staying angry that long is dangerous. Now, I will say that is said than done. I don’t like to argue, ever. I don’t like to pitch a fit or yell. I like to keep things out in open with a soft voice and an open mind. I like to talk about things before they get out of hand. On the other hand, I have been hurt, and I have been betrayed. I am beyond the anger from these incidents, but in many cases, I think it is sometimes best to avoid people that hurt me. Three people immediately come to mind. Does this mean I will never talk to them again? Perhaps. But deep down, I still love them dearly, and I wish things could be made right. Maybe some day, some things can be mended. It isn’t completely up to me. Hate is someone that is natural to me. Maybe that’s the Holy Spirit in me. There have been times where I have tried to hate, but I couldn’t keep it up because I love them. And, that’s really that.
I think that’s enough for now. I am tired. Send me some feedback if there is something specifically you want me to write about later.