Not So Good at Girl

I had my Pensacola Civic Band concert tonight (Tuesday). I actually thought it was Saturday night, but I found at Monday that it was Tuesday. I have no idea how I got those two days mixed up. I left work a little earlier than usual so that I could go home and practice a little bit more. I came home and practiced for a few hours. I was a little nervous because this was my first performance in three years. Apparently I still have it. I perform a lot better than I rehearse. All the spots that I wasn’t playing well in rehearsals, I played perfectly fine in the concert. Needless to say, my self-confidence shot up big time! No kidding. My self-confidence has been pretty low lately. That’s strange for me. I am usually passed the border of over-confidence, but the past few years I haven’t been. I think it is because I haven’t been playing music in front of people. If there was one thing Band did for me in my teenage years, it was give me self-confidence. Since I haven’t been playing anything but solo, I think I’ve lost a lot of that. Not to mention the fact that all my jobs have been support service. At first, I was really not happy with Civic Band. I wasn’t doing well the first few weeks. I was so out of touch. I wasn’t used to playing with a director anymore, because I had only been playing solo for so long. With my hectic schedule, I almost felt like I couldn’t handle getting back into playing in a band. I felt like it had been too long and I wasn’t good enough. Now I think I’m starting to realize something. That maybe I need band in my life. I mean, not as a career, but I need to be in a group like that. So anyway, I thought I did pretty well in the concert. I don’t think the band played as well as some of our rehearsals (but it was still okay), but I myself did well.
So, on to the issue of the title of this entry. Yeah, I am not so good at girl. The theme of our concert tonight was “American Dances”. Well, there is a swing dance group or whatever in Pensacola. Our conductor invited them to come dance to the audience while we played some of our songs. So, there were 9 people that came (one being the instructor, I think, and 4 dance couples). Yeah, one of the girls I did happen to notice a bit more than the others… So, after we finished the concert, the normal “band group” went down to eat together, and some of the dancers came along with us. We ate and talked and so on. When we were ready to leave, I was listening to some of my band friends, and this dancer that I had noticed tugged on my shirt from behind, so I turned around. She smiled at me and asked me if I played in the orchestra. So, I smiled back and I told her that I did. She said something like that I looked very young compared to the others. So, I told her that I am 20. And she just said that I looked younger than that. I don’t remember exactly what was said. I think she caught me off guard. It was just unexpected, and I probably could have said more. So, after she left, Dan and Tyler looked at me like I was crazy. And I was like “what?” And they said that she was “totally hitting” on me. And I just said, “She was? I can’t ever tell when a girl is hitting on me.” That’s a shame, and I kind of feel like an idiot about it. I didn’t think about it, so I didn’t think she was. Dan pointed out that she specifically got my attention and was complimenting me and smiling at me. So yeah, I guess it was obvious to most people. It is a shame though. I just got out of that concert feeling very confident and happy with what I had done, and then afterward, I was reminded that I am indeed fallible. Yeah, girls… that’s also something I haven’t done in about three years. No wonder I couldn’t tell. Other than feeling dumb, I also feel a little bad about it. I mean, I am sure it takes a lot of nerve for a girl to just walk up and talk to a guy she doesn’t know. And I probably gave her the impression that I was not interested in her, and that probably made her feel bad. I don’t want to make people feel bad. Especially not her, because she was a very beautiful young lady. She was short, light colored skin, and long curly dark brown hair; you know, the classics of what I think is absolutely adorable in a girl. LOL. Adding all those things up, and I do feel pretty dumb. One thing is for sure: With how infrequent it is for a girl to pay attention to me, I need to be much more careful than that. On the way back, I mentioned it to Ashley. She said if I wanted to see her again, I should just go to swing dance some Friday night. But, I mean… I can’t dance… Wouldn’t it be pitiful if I went just to see someone that I don’t know anyway…? Well… would it?
So, where exactly is my self-confidence level right now? I can’t figure that out.
I should write more, but not now. I’ll write more later.
Any chance at all that she wasn’t actually hitting on me and I’m not dumb??