Feeling Gloomy

Well hello. Apparently it has been a long time since my last update, but I have had a very busy term. I have so much I could talk about that I am not sure what to talk about.
I guess I’ll talk about classes. I am coming up on my last week before final exams. At UWF they call this dead week. Professors are not supposed to issue homework, or at least that is my understanding. We’ll see I guess. As I said, this has been a pretty difficult term. My Linear Algebra course was not a lot of work. The problem was that the tests were such that you could get all the correct answers and still make a D on the test for not answering exactly the way he wanted. The problem was that you had no way of knowing what he wanted, because he did not have much other than the tests that he graded. Anyway, I think I am on my way to making a B in that class. I might be able to make a higher grade depending on what I make on the final. I am not counting on scoring better than that, but I can hope. My Science of Computing course was easy. Too easy; which was bad. I am on my way to making a B in that course as well. My Intermediate Programming course was difficult at times, but I do well in programming as long as I do not have to work in a group of students that don’t care about their grades as much as I do. It was a lot of work, but I am on my way to making an A in that course. My final in that course is on Saturday morning! I do not like the idea of programming in the morning. I do my best programming in the late afternoon or at night. Applications of Discrete Structures, I am not really sure if I learned anything in that course or not. The class average in that class is a D-. My score right now in there is a B- or a C+, I don’t know which. This course is supposedly to be curved, but I think one person has an A, so I have no idea what is going to happen in there. I am quite afraid of the final coming up in there. Modern Astronomy was a joke for me. I already knew the material. I’m on my way to an A in that class. So, 3 B’s and 2 A’s; not bad I guess. My GPA will go down though. Then again, my grades pretty much have to stay all A’s for my GPA not to go down.
I have registered for spring 2006. My course schedule can be found here. I am taking three computer courses, one writing course, and one mathematics course. I will only be taking class on Tuesday and Thursday mornings and afternoons and on Wednesday night. It is going to be tough, but I think I will be okay. I need to get a job next term, and I would really like to find work at UWF, a 15 or 20 hour job.
Christmas is coming up. I am not sure how much I am going to like it or not. I usually dread Christmas a bit because it is usually a very stressful time. I think this year it will not be as much as it has been in the past. This year we had a drawing for people to have secret givers. I guess we needed to do it this way since the family has gotten so much bigger; darn sister. I picked a name that isn’t an easy person to shop for. I will think of something though. In preparation for the upcoming term *cough*, I am getting a new PocketPC. Top of the line right now. Dell Axim x51v with a 624 mhz processor, 256 MB ROM, 64 MB SDRAM, integrated wireless, and a VGA color screen. That’s as good as they get. They had a pretty good sale, and my parents are helping out with some of it for Christmas. Dad is taking my old PocketPC.
I have been going to a few football games this year. A lot more than I went to last year or the year before. The people who were freshmen my senior year are now seniors. I do not know many of them, but I know a few of them. I am also friends with the pit instructor, Ashley. I do not really have many connections with her, but she is a really neat person. It seems that I’m coming across that a lot lately. There are friends that I have that are really awesome people, but I am just not that close to them because I do not have any connections with them. ie, I do not see them at college, etc. Well, hopefully I can get closer to some of these people some time. Caddy is still in Germany, and I miss her terribly. She has two other Americans with her: Megan and Jenna. Megan is also from Tulane. Jenna is not. I talk to all three of them, but it seems I have been talking to Megan the most. I can talk to her for hours and not get bored one bit. She is a really awesome person. I’ve become a bit fond of her. I guess part of the reason is because Jenna and Caddy are always in Megan’s room whenever I get online. Megan says that she and I will meet when they get back to the states. I really look forward to that. Wahaha, I’m planning something…
Skype is so awesome. I recommend people get it and a microphone of some type. I use it to talk to people like Caddy and Megan.
I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately. I have been in so much thought about my future. I think I am going through some sort of prelife crisis. I am 20 years old now. I am dreadfully single. And I am half way done with my junior year in college. I have really been in deep thought about where I am going to be in five to ten years. I mean, am I going to live here? I don’t think I will. I don’t think I can find work in my field here. Where will I live? I think I like the idea of traveling, but I fear doing things alone. Will I be married? If so, when am I going to meet this person? Have I already? I seem to be having trouble seeing my desires in life matching up with the path I seem to be going. For instance, I have never wanted to pursue a career in music, but I have never wanted music to be completely absent in my life. Is music ever going to be a part of my life again? I do still play, but playing alone on my marimba just isn’t the same, and I know that I am not at the level I once was. Don’t get me wrong, I can still play pretty well, but not as well as I once did. Truth of the matter is, no one ever taught me how to play mallets. I taught myself. I taught myself two, four, and a little six mallets. By time I got to my senior year in high school, I realized that I had reached the limits that I could learn by myself. I never received any instruction from anyone. The year after I graduated when Mr. Finley completely became in charge, the mallet players seemed to get a lot more attention. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them, but at the same time, I don’t understand why they waited for me to leave. I am having my doubts about meeting someone on top of that. I did not exactly pick a field of study that has a large number of ladies. And… well… the ladies I have met in college do not exactly meet my expectations. May I be blunt? If not, then just stop reading. I do not wear my virginity on my sleeve. It isn’t something I brag about, and really I am not sure it is anything to brag about. But, rather if it is an issue of morality or if it is just the simple fact that inexperience will embarrass me, I would prefer to be with someone as I am in this respect. Umm… I don’t think I even know anyone like that at this point. Furthermore, I don’t need to drink to have a good time. Maybe I just expect too much. What is a guy like me supposed to do? I suppose “wait and see” is still my best bet. It is scary not knowing what is going to happen. Despite all these things, I suppose I have more going for me than against me. Well, I’m only posting this to express myself, not looking for sympathy.
This website could use a redesign. Maybe I will be able to work on that when classes are over.

One Reply to “Feeling Gloomy”

  1. Yes, we should definitely hang out some time rather than all this over the computer stuff. Look me up when the semester is over, and if I’m not at Spirit we can hang.

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