This is a rant, so get ready.
My family has really made me feel like a pile of crap lately, and I don’t think that any of it is very called for.
To begin with, Dad, who I really haven’t ever thought cares much about me anyway, attacked me. The night before Hurricane Dennis, I shut down all the battery backups on the computers to keep them from discharging, and in case we needed their energy for something else. After power was restored to my neighborhood, coincidentally Dad’s computer wouldn’t turn on when you pushed power. I figured that the power supply on it had finally gone bad (it is over 3 years old). Dad freaking went nuts! He, in front of my Sister and I, said that I must have messed something up when I turned it off. Can you believe that?! He blamed me!! This completely makes my blood boil. Dad has done more damage to his computer than what Hurricane Dennis did to our yard! I had to spend several hours (unpaid) fixing Dad’s computer just few months ago to clean his computer from all the porn sites he has viewed previously! I’ve been working with computers since I was little, and I have a college degree in Computer Science, and that man is going to accuse me of breaking a computer that I have had to maintain on multiple occasions? Here’s what’s worse: Mom asked me if I could fix it. I said maybe, but that I wasn’t going to since Dad blames me. Then Dad denied blaming me! Sister still there hearing it all! I told him to fix it himself. Computer repair store agreed with what I thought was wrong and is charging him $500 to repair it. Serves him right! He better get used to repair bills like that too, because apparently I am not smart enough to turn a computer off; he’ll have to go to a repair store any time his computer doesn’t act right. How about that?!
Yesterday (Saturday) was completely horrible. Apparently, family decided to get the outcast a birthday cake after all. Before they sang, somehow Brother, Sister, and Stephanie were say that they’d get me a stripper for my bachelor’s party. I guess they didn’t know that this is sort of a bad subject for me right now. Anyway, then I said something along the lines of, “Y’all are too cheap to buy me a stripper anyway.” You know, just joking around. So then, the family sang “Happy Birthday”, which normally sounds horrible. Stephanie didn’t sing. Wasn’t sure why, so I said, “Now Stephanie has to sing solo since she didn’t sing.” Then Stephanie said, “You’re rude!” Surprised me, since I wasn’t even sure why. So I asked what I did. “You called me cheap, after I got you a card and $20.” She did do that before Dennis, and I was grateful! So I said, “That wasn’t even what we were talking about.” She said, “It doesn’t matter.” I basically said she shouldn’t take it so seriously (in so many words). Then Sister said it was just like me to blame someone else, which really hurt my feelings. I say, just like Sister to talk when she shouldn’t, as seen previously on my forums. Since everyone was against me, I just locked myself in my room and studied Physics and read a book. I didn’t get any cake; they ate it without me ironically. You know, as long as Stephanie has known me (almost 10 years now), she should know by now when I am kidding. Why does she always have to be so confrontational!? If she had just told me I hurt her feelings, I would have apologized immediately! She didn’t do that. In front of the whole family, she called me rude, made me look like a jerk, and hurt my feelings in doing so. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, and I didn’t even realize I did until she suddenly said I was rude. She didn’t want an apology from me anyway; it seems she’s always looked for ways to be confrontational with me. My Sister really hurt my feelings too. I guess that’s what they really think of me though. I’ve been thinking about leaving Florida since I graduated from high school. Since these hurricanes Ivan and Dennis, I’ve thought about it even more. Since my family obviously has such a low opinion of me, why should I stay? No one I’ve ever dated and nothing I’ve ever done has been good enough for them. They always make me feel like such a failure. Sister makes grandchildren; Brother heroically overcomes his disabilities in college; and I am the unmarried failure that takes up space in my parents’ house.
Wanna know what else makes me mad? I’ve heard Stephanie say things about everyone in this family, but to my knowledge, she’s only been confrontational with me! I guess being the perpetually unmarried one makes me an easier target. I’m alone: No one defends me; no one gives a care. I know when people are just kidding! Yesterday Jeremy said something like, “Well, when you get a real job…” At first, I was offended because I have always worked hard and honestly, but then I realized: 1. He was probably kidding. 2. He isn’t even qualified to do the part-time job I’m doing now. 3. The job he has barely supports his family; mine supports me more than enough right now. So, it really wasn’t worth me getting upset over. Isn’t it amazing how often you won’t get offended and lash out when you think logically rather than emotionally?
Yep, this birthday week has completely and utterly sucked. Hurricane, no girlfriend, no present, no cake, no love from family, and very very few happy birthday’s from friends. Thanks to all! Good night.
I probably won’t be going to church tonight because I don’t want to go to Sister’s house that afternoon after what all she said about me.
This is a rant, so get ready.