Angry at the world

If you remember from my last entry, you read that I found out something that really disappointed me. Well, I think I’m out of the disappointed/upset stage, and I am entering the angry/hate the world stage. Anyway, if I seem to be in a bad mood, it is because I am. I mean, what is wrong with people. Why is it that so many people I know are trashy now? The ironic part is that the people that are trashy think everyone else is trashy. Perhaps certain people should review this definition of the word “Skank�?. It isn’t 100% decent, but it is rather interesting to read. I especially like the part where it says, “repeated passing over of decent men for varieties of losers�?. I know I’m very angry right now, but don’t worry. You people who know, know that it isn’t you. Some of us are tight, and I think the world of you and would do just about anything for you. But some of you really need to go home and rethink your life (rip that from Star Wars). I mean, COME ON! If you claim to have goals in your sorry excuse for a life, you could at least try to steer your life in some general direction that is at least tolerable to the decent society. Thank God I am not God! I would so pull out a can of fire-rain on some of you right now.
Anyway, I might come back to my rant, but for now I’ll go over current events.
Saturday, I went to the Pace High graduation for the class of 2005. I went because Jessi asked me to, but I didn’t really care to go. I only knew about 20 people or so that graduated anyway. When I got there, the first person I saw was CJ, who I think is at UF. I saw Robert and Katie sitting down, but I didn’t ever sit down. I wasn’t early enough to actually find a place to sit or park. I parked somewhere on the side of a road and walked the rest of the way. I stood most of the time. I stood with Kenny and Heather. I don’t really remember what we talked about. I think I got online on my pocketpc during the horrible speeches and talked to my AWRPG buddies. After the graduation was over, Kenny, Heather, and I walked to the band room to say hello to few people. I don’t mind hugging, but it is pretty bad when I don’t remember the name of the person hugging me. Tory latch on, as usually, but she did something rather unexpected: The started chewing on my left nipple. That was… weird feeling… Tory is one odd duck. I said hello to Dunlap and Mr. Finley, but we really didn’t stay around too long. After that, the three of us tried to go to Whataburger, but the line was really long. Kenny called Robert, say that they always have free food. So we ended up going over there. Caroline, Jacob, Robert, Katie, Heather, Kenny, and me were there. Caroline and Jacob didn’t stay around there very long. The rest of us did. I think I left his house at 2:15 and I got home at 2:30. Mom really bothered me though. She called my cell phone about 6 times that night. Does she not understand the concept of a phone bill? I’ve pretty much gotten to the point of completely ignoring mom whenever I feel that she is being overly-motherly. She has freaked out way too much ever since Brother’s accident. I know it is a little late, but I think I’ve finally started to enter my rebellious stage. I, for the most part, just want to be left alone and independent. I don’t really like living here, but there is no where to go, and even if there were, I couldn’t afford it. I really wish that I would have left Pace after high school graduation as I originally planned. I would have been so much more free. But I didn’t. I stayed and went to PJC like a naive moron for stupid, pointless reasons. I normally try to stay humble, but since I’m in a bad mood, I don’t care. I am better than that to go to PJC/UWF. Nevertheless, this is the choice I made about 2 years ago or so, and even though my choice didn’t yield the results I expected, this is the choice I made and I have to follow through. I always follow through. Leave nothing incomplete; leave nothing unresolved. I have no idea where this path leads anymore, but I feel sorry for anything that gets in my way!
What the heck was that? Anyway… Tuesday, I started my new job, and I finally got some (but not all) my questions answered. I work at the Santa Rosa County Tax Collector’s Office and I am Bryan’s (not the one from Pace) assistant. Bryan was a student worker, but he got hired full time. I assist him in managing the website. I guess it isn’t good for things that I’m in a bad mood, because I really have had zero interest in meeting new people, and it is harder to be nice. Bryan graduated from Milton High School class of 2001. His name if very familiar, but I haven’t been able to figure out way. He has a cubical in the office, and the walls are covered in FSU and MHS stuff. I don’t mind FSU, because I am for them more than I am UF, although I am not hardcore. The MHS stuff I am comfortable with I guess. I mean, you know my history, so I know how to keep my mouth shut when it comes to MHS. Bryan says he is getting married in February next year… isn’t that all sweet and rosy… Bryan has worked there for three years, and he seems to know his stuff. We are not in the same degree study. He has an AAS in Multimedia something or other, which I don’t think has much to do with websites. Computer Science, which I am studying, also isn’t so much web design, although we did go over HTML a bit. Anyway, Bryan has me working on the Community section of the website. He says it is “my baby�?. Which is not something really hard, but there is one problem: I have no idea what’s going on in Santa Rosa County anymore. I am so Escambia now that I hardly am ever in Santa Rosa anymore. I guess I’ll just have to figure it all out. I have my own computer, and I have a work email address. Since I can only access that address at work, I’m not going to bother telling you the address, since I can check my own server mail from anywhere. I share the cubical with Bryan, which is kind of weird, but that’s okay. After work Tuesday, I went to Physics, and then I picked up a Caddy. Caddy and I ate at Chic-fa-lay. Then we went and watched a 4:30 movie. It wasn’t crowded at all, needless to say. I think I made the comment to someone (Heather?) that the great thing about being in a near-empty theater is that you have the privacy you need to do absolutely nothing with the girl sitting next to you. Heh. I can’t stand people who think that there is more to it with me and Caddy. Albeit, I don’t completely understand us. All I know is that I share everything with Caddy, and I guess she shares a lot with me; but it has not ever been romantic. When Caddy and I first started to become friends, we were both in relationships. She is still in hers, but I am no longer in mine. I guess that’s the problem. It would look a little better if I had a girlfriend too, but from what I noticed, based on what some people think, you can only be that close to a girl you’re not dating if you’re gay. Maybe I should pretend to be gay so people will leave me alone. Actually, I think that would cause more problems than it would solve, especially with all the homophobs I seem to be associated with. Anyway, after that movie, I took Caddy back to her boyfriend’s mom’s house (that is where she lives). I only stayed a few minutes, because Caddy didn’t know what the reaction of the house would be. You know, because I am the guy friend. Guys apparently can’t be friends, because all guys are dogs. It is completely impossible that I would see Caddy for the person she is (or at least what I chose to see) rather than a sexual object. Oh no… surely Caddy is nothing more than an object to me. Oh please! Did I mention that I’m in a bad mood?
Wednesday, I went to work, and I started working on my part of the website. I can honestly say that I did get much done. I was waiting on some soft of listing for the county, but I didn’t really ever get one until the very end. I did get quite a few things done, but nothing big. Jennifer came in and sat in Bryan’s chair and talked to me for a while. That was very pleasant actually. Jennifer and I have always been nice to each other, but we never really talked that much in high school. And you know me, I can at least pretend to like anybody. But I wasn’t really pretending. I was genuinely being nice to her. After a year and a half at working at PJC, it is nice to work with people my own age. Don’t get me wrong, I really liked working at PJC, but people my own age just look better. Ha! Well, it really doesn’t have anything to do with looks. I don’t know. I just am not as comfortable talking to people. But people around my age and around this area are easy for me to talk to. I feel less fake. I had my first University Physics 2 exam. It wasn’t that hard really, but I have learned from Physics 1 not to prejudge my grade on his tests. I’ll know whenever I get it back.
I guess I should refrain from saying anymore tonight. I am going to try to go to bed now. Hope I didn’t tick anyone off, but if I did, I don’t really care to hear about it! People tick me off all the time, and they never hear a peep, so I think I’ve earned some jerk time. Wahaha!

3 Replies to “Angry at the world”

  1. Wow… you people are so nice…
    I knew it was your birthday. I suppose I could have posted something on my weblog about it, but I was not in the mood. Other than that, I was not in communication with you to say anything about it.

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