Ants

Updating at work. Oh boy, I don’t feel good. I think I’m a little bit sick today. I don’t feel good at all. I have an ΑΒΓ meeting later today at 5:15. That’s means that I’ll work until 5:00. But since I don’t feel well, I may decide not to go. I’ll decide after class. I had my first Ethics test two days ago, and I made an A. I have my first Economics test later today. I think it won’t be a problem. My Ethics book did eventually come in, but I was pretty upset about how slow the process was. I paid for priority shipping, but it came through the normal mail. Our postal worker is really slow and likes to deliver mail to the wrong address. Anyway, Saturday I plan on going to Pace’s graduation. I made promises to a few people. I was going to go to one tonight, but I decided not to be emotionally self destructive now. No good could come out of going to it.
My room has been invaded by ants. I woke up this morning with them in my bed. I wonder if that’s why I don’t feel good. So, I guess I’ll wash all my clothes and all my sheets this weekend. What a joy. Then I’ll see if I can’t kill all of them somehow.
So here’s an interesting situation. Someone likes me. She’s a really nice person, and there is absolutely no reason why I shouldn’t like her. There’s nothing wrong with her that should prevent something from happening. So what’s the problem? Why am I holding back? Is it something in my past that I’m still trying to hold onto? I don’t understand it. I’ve been shown time and time again that nothing is going to happen with anything there. Its all words and no action, and every time I think something good is going to happen I end up getting a little bit hurt again and again. Kim’s right about me: I am an idiot. I shouldn’t let things that don’t matter have government over my life, but I do. Maybe some day I’ll get hurt enough that I’ll learn my lesson. Of course, if I do I’ll probably never love again, which is almost where I am now. Not because I can’t love, but because I won’t allow myself to again.
Daniel really needs to leave this area.
Heather’s having trouble with angelfire (her webhost), so I volunteered to give her a portion of my webspace. At this rate, I won’t need it anyway. Yeah… Aren’t I just the sweetest thing… Whichever…