Conclusions Reached/Moving Along

No more crap to be posted here. My feelings on this matter are coming to a close.
A while back, long before meeting her, I wrote my feelings on paper. This actually sums up some book I read previously:
Love
Love is acceptance. Forgiving others because we understand that we, ourselves have our own faults. We forgive because we love.
Hatred
Hatred is the lack of forgiveness. Hate exists because we hold grudges. People hurt us, and we cannot forgive. We hate because we cannot forgive, not because of what is done to us.
Strangely enough, I found this written near where I used to put Kim’s things (On that matter, Kim and I don’t hold any bad feelings toward each other). I have concluded something.
She didn’t love me. If she did, she would forgive. Just about two months ago, I had to forgive her for randomly pushing me out of her life. When I asked why she did it, she said that she didn’t know. When I asked her what if she did it again sometime in the future, she said that she’d never do it again. I forgave her as soon as she asked me to. No strings attached. I loved her, and I was willing to forgive her. Now, we have this. I hurt her. I don’t know how, and I did not even consciously do it. She will never forgive me. She will always hold this against me. She never loved me, because she would have been able to forgive me when I did something wrong. Now that the time has come to forgive, she is unable. She will always hold this against me: By definition, she hates me.
In EVERY marriage, one hurts the other. Most likely not frequently, but eventually it WILL happen. If relationships end at the first hurt, no relationship would last. If someone is incapable of forgiveness, that person is incapable of love.
She didn’t want marriage. She led me on to believe that she did. When I finally took action and talked to parents and bought rings, she got scared because she didn’t really want this. Oh sure, it was exciting to think and talk about, but for real? …No… My nervous breakdown was a relief for her. If she had wanted this relationship to continue, she would have forgiven, especially since I did not consciously hurt her. No, she did not want this marriage. She was glad when I hurt her. It was the the exit door she had been looking for. An easy escape from a marriage she didn’t want.
I say no more about this on this site.